Publications
By D’Veal Communications Team
The holidays can be fun, and they can also be a lot. Here’s how to tell normal holiday stress from something bigger, and how to help your child feel calmer this season.
It’s the week before Thanksgiving. Your 9-year-old comes home from school and slams the door. Your teenager stays in her room all evening. Dinner turns into an argument about nothing.
Is it just the holidays? Most of the time, yes. But sometimes the holidays bring a bigger worry to the surface. Knowing the difference helps you know what to do next.
At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we have helped children, teens, and families in the San Gabriel Valley for more than 30 years. Every year, we see how hard November and December can be on families. We also see how small changes at home can make a big difference.
Why the Holidays Can Be Hard on Kids
Grown-ups feel holiday stress too. In a 2025 national poll, about 4 in 10 adults said they expected this holiday season to be more stressful than the last one. Kids notice when the adults around them are tired or worried, even when nobody says a word.
Kids also lose the routine that helps them feel safe. School is out, bedtimes get later, and weekends fill up with trips and parties. Many kids picture a “perfect” holiday, and real life rarely looks like the movies. Big family gatherings can be loud and crowded, and a relative who teases can make a long day feel even longer.
For some families, the holidays also bring an empty seat at the table. A loved one may have passed away, or a parent may live somewhere else or have to work. When money is tight, kids can usually tell, and some quietly feel guilty for wanting things.
What Holiday Stress Looks Like
Kids don’t usually say, “I’m stressed.” Instead, you may see more tantrums or crankiness than usual. Your child may cling to you, complain of stomachaches or headaches, or have trouble sleeping. Some kids pull away from family and friends.
Teens can be harder to read. They may act like they don’t care about the holidays at all. In our experience, they often care a lot.
“A meltdown is often a message, not bad behavior. It can mean your child has simply run out of ways to cope.”
Holiday Stress or Something More?
Most holiday stress comes and goes around busy days, and it fades once life gets back to normal in January. A child who is cranky after a long family dinner but feels better after a good night’s sleep is usually just tired and overwhelmed.
It’s different when the change sticks around. If your child seems sad or “flat” most of the time, pulls away from everyone, or stops enjoying things they used to love, and it lasts more than two weeks, that’s a sign they may need more support. Our advice is simple: if something has felt “off” for more than two weeks, it’s worth talking to someone. You know your child best. Trust what you see.
If your child ever talks about wanting to die or hurt themselves, take it seriously every time. Call or text 988 any time, day or night. In an emergency, call 911.
Simple Ways to Make the Holidays Calmer
You can’t take away every source of stress, but you can make the season feel safer for your child. Start by keeping a few routines in place. Try to keep bedtime and mealtimes close to normal, even on days off. Before a busy day, tell your child the plan: who they’ll see, what you’ll do, and when you’ll head home. Kids handle hard days better when the day isn’t a mystery.
It’s also okay to say no. You don’t have to go to every party. Leave room for quiet time, like a short walk or a book, to reset a hard day. At big gatherings, agree on a code word or a quiet room your child can go to if things get too loud.
If money is tight, a few calm, honest words help more than silence. Something like “We’re keeping gifts small this year, and that’s okay” goes a long way. And if someone is missing this year, say their name. Share a favorite story or make their favorite dish together.
Last, take care of yourself. Rest when you can, accept help, and let go of “perfect.” When you’re calmer, your child is calmer too.
When Tips Aren’t Enough
Sometimes holiday stress shows a bigger problem, like worry that won’t go away, deep sadness, grief, or family conflict. That’s when extra support helps.
D’Veal works with children and teens from birth to age 20, and their families. Our counselors come to you, at home, at school, or in the community, so getting help doesn’t mean one more trip in an already busy season. We work with the whole family, not just the child.
“Is the holiday season weighing on your child or your family? D’Veal Family and Youth Services is here to help. Call (626) 296-8900 or visit dveal.org. In a crisis, call or text 988 anytime.”
Want to help more San Gabriel Valley kids feel safe and supported? Visit the donate section at dveal.org to give.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for my child to act out more during the holidays?
Yes. Late nights, busy days, and changes in routine can make any child cranky. Most kids feel better once things get back to normal. If it lasts more than a couple of weeks, talk to a professional.
How can I tell if my teen is stressed or depressed?
Stress usually comes and goes with busy days. If your teen seems sad or crabby most days for two weeks or more, or stops caring about things they used to love, it's time to reach out for help.
How do I help my child through the holidays after a family loss?
Talk about the person who died and let your child help pick which traditions to keep. Sad moments may come and go, and that's normal. Let your child have fun without feeling guilty.
Where can San Gabriel Valley families get help for a child?
D'Veal Family and Youth Services helps children and teens from birth to age 20, at home, at school, and in the community. Call (626) 296-8900 or visit dveal.org. In a crisis, call or text 988.
