October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Here’s how to spot the quiet signs of bullying, what to say when your child finally opens up, and how to get the school and the right support on your side.

Your son used to talk the whole ride home. Lately he stares out the window. He says he has a stomachache most school mornings. His new hoodie came home with a torn sleeve, and when you asked, he shrugged and said he “fell.” Nothing he says is alarming on its own. But together, it doesn’t feel like him.

Many parents first notice bullying this way. Not because their child tells them, but because something quietly changes.

About one in five U.S. high school students said they were bullied at school in the past year, according to the CDC’s 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Survey. That number rose from 15% in 2021 to 19% in 2023. In middle school, it is even more common. And fewer than half of students who are bullied tell an adult at school.

At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we have worked with children, teens, and families across the San Gabriel Valley for more than 30 years, under the leadership of founder and CEO John McCall. This month, we want to help parents and caregivers do three things: recognize bullying when kids stay silent, respond in a way that helps, and know when it’s time to bring in more support.

What Bullying Is, and What It Isn’t

Not every unkind moment is bullying. Kids argue, tease, and hurt each other’s feelings as they learn how to be friends. A single fight or a falling-out between two kids who used to be close is painful, but it usually isn’t bullying.

The CDC describes bullying as unwanted, aggressive behavior from another young person that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and happens more than once, or is likely to keep happening. In plain words: one child, or a group, keeps using their power to hurt another child who has a hard time making it stop.

That power can come from size, popularity, or numbers. It can also come from knowing something private and threatening to share it. Bullying can look like:

• Physical: hitting, shoving, tripping, or breaking someone’s things
• Verbal: name-calling, mean jokes, or threats
• Social: leaving someone out on purpose, spreading rumors, or turning friends against them
• Online: cruel messages, embarrassing photos, or group chats built to mock one person

The difference matters. A conflict between equals often settles with time and good coaching. Bullying usually doesn’t stop on its own, because the child being targeted can’t end it by themselves.

Why Kids Don’t Tell, and the Signs to Watch For

If your child is being bullied, there’s a good chance they haven’t said so. In a national survey of students ages 12 to 18, only about 44% of those who were bullied told an adult at school. Kids stay quiet for real reasons. They may feel embarrassed. They may worry about being called a snitch, or fear things will get worse if adults step in. Some worry they will lose their phone or be told to “just ignore it.”

So instead of waiting for the words, watch for changes. Signs a child may be bullied include:

• Torn, missing, or broken clothes, books, or electronics with no clear story
• Bruises or scrapes they can’t or won’t explain
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches, especially on school mornings
• Not wanting to go to school, ride the bus, or join activities they used to enjoy
• Falling grades or losing interest in schoolwork
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares, or coming home very hungry because they skipped lunch
• Fewer friends, or suddenly avoiding certain kids or places
• Seeming upset, jumpy, or withdrawn after being online

No single sign proves bullying. These changes can also point to anxiety, depression, or something else going on. That’s the point: any lasting change in your child is worth a calm conversation.

The scene below is a composite. It isn’t one family’s real story — it’s a moment a lot of parents will recognize, built from patterns we see often. Names and details are invented.

Denise was walking past her son’s room when she heard him say it. Not to her. To himself, or maybe to no one. “Everyone would be better off without me.”

She stopped in the hallway. Her hand hovered over the door. And then she almost kept walking.

He’s fifteen. Fifteen-year-olds say dramatic things, she told herself. He’s had a hard week. He didn’t mean it like that. She had dinner to finish and a work email to answer, and some part of her wanted, badly, for this to be nothing.

She knocked anyway.

Why We Almost Don’t Ask

If you’ve ever caught yourself in that same hallway moment, you’re not a bad parent. You’re a normal one. Asking a direct question about something this serious is scary. Part of you worries you’ll overreact and embarrass your kid over nothing. Part of you worries you’ll say the wrong thing and make it worse. And a quieter part of you might be afraid of the answer.

So a lot of parents do what Denise almost did. They wait. They tell themselves it was just a bad day, a phase, a joke that landed wrong. Sometimes that’s true. But the only way to know is to ask, and waiting to feel ready is its own kind of risk.

What Made Her Ask Anyway

Denise didn’t have a plan. She just knocked, sat down on the edge of his bed, and said the first honest thing that came to mind: “I heard what you said a minute ago. I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me. Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?”

Her son didn’t answer right away. He looked at his hands for a long time. Then he said, “Sometimes. Yeah.”

She didn’t panic, or at least she didn’t let it show. She stayed sitting there. She said, “Thank you for telling me. I’m really glad you did. You’re not in trouble, and we’re going to figure this out together.”

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Here’s how to tell ordinary teen moodiness from the warning signs experts want parents to notice — and what to do next.

Your teenager used to text back within minutes. Now their door stays closed, their phone stays face-down, and “fine” is the only word you get at dinner. Maybe you’ve told yourself it’s just a phase — hormones, a hard semester, a friendship that fell apart. Most of the time, that’s exactly what it is.

But sometimes a parent’s quiet worry is trying to tell them something real, and they aren’t sure whether to trust it. If you’ve found yourself lying awake wondering whether what you’re seeing is normal teenage distance or something more serious, this article is for you.

At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we’ve spent more than 30 years working with children, teens, and families across the San Gabriel Valley, under the leadership of founder and CEO John McCall. September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and we want to give parents and caregivers something practical: a clear way to tell the difference between typical teen moodiness and the kind of change that deserves a closer look, plus what to do if you’re worried right now.

Why Teens Get Harder to Read

Adolescence naturally comes with mood swings, door-slamming, and a pulling-away from parents that can feel sudden even when it’s developmentally normal. Teens are wired to seek more independence and more privacy, and a certain amount of “I don’t want to talk about it” is part of growing up.

That normal shift is exactly what makes it hard for parents to know when something is different. A teen who is simply becoming more private looks, on the surface, a lot like a teen who is struggling. The difference usually isn’t in any single moment; it’s in the pattern underneath it.

Ordinary Moodiness vs. a Pattern Worth Watching

Typical teen moodiness tends to be short-lived and tied to something specific: a bad grade, a fight with a friend, a breakup. It comes and goes. Even on a hard week, your teen still laughs at something, still has moments of being themselves, and still eventually bounces back.

A pattern worth a closer look looks different. It lasts for weeks rather than days. Your teen withdraws not just from you, but from friends and activities they used to care about. Sleep and appetite shift noticeably, in either direction. They seem flat or joyless even during things that used to matter to them. And it touches more than one part of life at once — school, friendships, sleep, mood at home — rather than staying contained to one bad day.

One sign on its own rarely tells the whole story. It’s the combination, and how long it’s lasted, that matters most.