It was 3:15 on Thanksgiving afternoon. The turkey was resting. Twelve relatives were squeezed into the living room. And 7-year-old Mateo was under the dining table, sobbing, refusing to come out.

His mom, Ana, knelt beside the tablecloth and felt every eye in the room on her back. Her aunt said what everyone was thinking: “He’s just tired. Let him cry it out.” Her brother said something less kind.

Ana wanted to disappear. She’d spent three days cleaning and cooking. She had wanted this year to feel special. Instead, it felt like it was coming apart, and her son along with it.

(Mateo and Ana are a composite family, based on situations many parents describe. They are not real D’Veal clients.)

If you’ve lived some version of this moment, you are not alone. And your child isn’t “bad” or “spoiled.” Most of the time, a holiday meltdown is a message.

What the Meltdown Was Really Saying

Later that night, after everyone left, Ana sat on the edge of Mateo’s bed. She didn’t lecture. She just asked, “What was the hardest part of today?”

He thought for a long time. Then he said, “Everybody was loud. And Tio kept saying I was too big to sit on your lap. And I didn’t know when it was going to be over.”

There it was. Not one problem. A stack of them.

That’s how holiday stress works for a lot of kids. It isn’t one big thing. It’s the noise, the crowd, the late nights, the strange foods, the relatives who tease, and the feeling of having no control over the day. Each piece is small. Together, they can be too much for a young nervous system to handle.

Kids also soak up the stress around them. Pediatric psychologists point out that children notice when the adults in their lives are tense, and they often react to it, even when nobody says a word. Ana had been running on four hours of sleep for days. Mateo felt it.

And Ana wasn’t the only stressed adult in that house. In a November 2025 poll by the American Psychiatric Association, 41% of U.S. adults said they expected more holiday stress than the year before. About one in three said they worried about difficult family dynamics. Holiday gatherings put a lot of stressed people in one room. Kids are often the first to show it.

What Ana Did Differently in December

Ana didn’t cancel the holidays. She just changed a few things. None of them cost money.

She told Mateo the plan ahead of time. The morning of each family event, she walked him through it: who would be there, what they’d eat, and what time they’d leave. Kids handle hard days better when the day isn’t a mystery.

She picked a “break spot.” At her mom’s house, the back bedroom became Mateo’s quiet place. He could go there any time, with a book or his tablet, no questions asked. He only used it twice. Just knowing it was there helped.

She made a code word. If Mateo felt overwhelmed, he could say “pineapple.” Ana would step outside with him for five minutes. No scene, no explaining to relatives.

She kept bedtime close to normal. Not perfect. But no more 11 p.m. nights two days in a row.

She said no to one party. Her cousin’s open house was the same night as her work potluck. She skipped it. Nobody was upset. Mateo spent the evening building a blanket fort, and Ana sat on the couch for the first time all week.

She talked to her brother. Privately, before the next gathering, she asked him to stop teasing Mateo about being “too big.” It was an awkward conversation. It also worked.

She looked after herself. This was the hardest one. Ana asked her sister to bring dessert instead of making three pies herself. She went to bed earlier. She noticed that when she was calmer, Mateo was too.

Christmas wasn’t perfect. Mateo still got cranky by late afternoon. But there was no meltdown under the table. And on the drive home, he said, “That was a good day.”

Is It More Than Holiday Stress?

For many kids, holiday stress fades once school and normal routines come back in January. But sometimes the holidays bring something bigger to the surface.

It may be time to talk to a professional if your child:

• Stays sad, worried, or irritable for more than two weeks, even on calm days
• Has big changes in sleep or eating
• Pulls away from friends and things they used to enjoy
• Has meltdowns that seem much bigger than the situation
• Says things like “I’m a burden” or talks about not wanting to be here

If your child ever talks about hurting themselves, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time, day or night.

Asking for help isn’t a sign that you failed as a parent. It’s a sign that you’re paying attention.

You Don’t Have to Figure It Out Alone

D’Veal Family and Youth Services has supported San Gabriel Valley families since 1993. We work with children and youth ages 0 to 20, and their families, in homes, schools, and the community. If the holidays are showing you that your child needs more support, we’d be glad to talk.

The holidays can be fun, and they can also be a lot. Here’s how to tell normal holiday stress from something bigger, and how to help your child feel calmer this season.

It’s the week before Thanksgiving. Your 9-year-old comes home from school and slams the door. Your teenager stays in her room all evening. Dinner turns into an argument about nothing.

Is it just the holidays? Most of the time, yes. But sometimes the holidays bring a bigger worry to the surface. Knowing the difference helps you know what to do next.

At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we have helped children, teens, and families in the San Gabriel Valley for more than 30 years. Every year, we see how hard November and December can be on families. We also see how small changes at home can make a big difference.

Why the Holidays Can Be Hard on Kids

Grown-ups feel holiday stress too. In a 2025 national poll, about 4 in 10 adults said they expected this holiday season to be more stressful than the last one. Kids notice when the adults around them are tired or worried, even when nobody says a word.

Kids also lose the routine that helps them feel safe. School is out, bedtimes get later, and weekends fill up with trips and parties. Many kids picture a “perfect” holiday, and real life rarely looks like the movies. Big family gatherings can be loud and crowded, and a relative who teases can make a long day feel even longer.

For some families, the holidays also bring an empty seat at the table. A loved one may have passed away, or a parent may live somewhere else or have to work. When money is tight, kids can usually tell, and some quietly feel guilty for wanting things.

What Holiday Stress Looks Like

Kids don’t usually say, “I’m stressed.” Instead, you may see more tantrums or crankiness than usual. Your child may cling to you, complain of stomachaches or headaches, or have trouble sleeping. Some kids pull away from family and friends.

Teens can be harder to read. They may act like they don’t care about the holidays at all. In our experience, they often care a lot.

What to do if you learn your child has been bullying someone else, and why this hard moment can be a turning point.

Greg was in a work meeting when his phone buzzed with the school’s number. He stepped into the hallway, expecting a fever or a forgotten lunch.

It was the assistant principal. “I’m calling about Eli,” she said. “We’ve had several reports that he’s been targeting another student. Name-calling in the locker room, and some messages online. I’d like to set up a meeting.”

Greg’s first thought was: That’s not my kid. Eli was 13. He was funny and a little goofy, and he still hugged his grandma goodbye. Greg’s second thought, which came a few seconds later and felt much worse, was: What if it is?

If you’ve gotten a call like this, or you’re worried you might, this post is for you. Learning that your child has hurt someone is painful and confusing. It can also be one of the most important parenting moments you’ll ever have.

(Greg and Eli’s story is a composite, drawn from experiences many families share. Names and details are not from any one real family.)

Your First Reaction Is Normal. Your Next Step Matters
More.

Most parents in Greg’s shoes feel a rush of emotions at once: shock, embarrassment, anger, fear. Some want to defend their child right away. Others want to come down hard the moment the kid walks in the door.

Both reactions make sense. Neither one helps much at first.

Greg took a breath and said what he later called the best thing he did that day: “Thank you for telling me. I want to understand what happened. When can we meet?”

He didn’t argue, and he didn’t promise a punishment on the spot. He listened. That gave him something he needed before talking to Eli: the facts.

When you get a call like this, try to:

• Listen to the school before you respond. Ask what was reported, how often, and what the school has seen.
• Ask for specifics. Dates, examples, and any messages or screenshots help you understand the full picture.
• Hold off on a verdict. You can take it seriously without deciding everything in the first five minutes.
• Keep the other child in mind. Somewhere, another family is hurting too.

Why Kids Bully

It’s tempting to think kids who bully are just “mean kids.” The truth is usually more complicated.

Some kids who bully are popular and like being in charge. They may use put-downs to stay on top. Others are struggling. They may be anxious or depressed, dealing with stress at home, or easily pulled along by friends. Some have been bullied themselves and are passing the hurt along.

None of that excuses the behavior. But understanding the “why” is what helps it stop.

The CDC notes that young people who bully others face a higher risk of problems later on, like substance use, trouble in school, and violence as they get older. That’s why stepping in now matters so much. You’re not just protecting another child. You’re protecting your own.

The Conversation With Eli

After the school meeting, Greg waited until after dinner. He asked Eli to take a walk with him around the block.

“I talked with your school today,” he said. “I want to hear your side. I’m not going to yell. But I do need you to be honest.”

At first, Eli said what most kids say. “It was a joke. Everybody does it. He’s annoying.”

Greg didn’t argue. He asked, “How do you think it felt for him, reading those messages?”

Eli was quiet for half a block. Then he said, “Probably bad.”

It took a few more walks, but the rest came out. Since his parents’ divorce in the spring, Eli had been angry a lot, and he didn’t know where to put it. His new friend group at school traded insults all day. Picking on one kid made Eli feel like he belonged. And the boy he targeted had once laughed at him in PE. In Eli’s mind, that made it even.

Here’s what helped Greg keep the conversation going:

• Stay calm and curious. Ask open questions: “What happened?” “What was going on for you?”
• Build empathy. Ask how the other child might have felt. Kids often haven’t stopped to think about it.
• Name the behavior, not the child. “What you did was hurtful” lands better than “You’re a bully.”
• Make the expectation clear. “This stops now. I know you can do better, and I’m going to help.”

Consequences That Teach

Greg’s instinct was to take Eli’s phone for the rest of the year. Instead, he and the school worked out a plan that matched what happened:

1. A clear, related consequence. Eli lost access to the group chat and social apps for a set amount of time, since that’s where much of the bullying happened.
2. A way to make it right. With the counselor’s help, Eli wrote an apology. The school decided how and whether to share it, based on what the other student wanted.
3. More supervision, not less connection. Greg checked in daily about school and friends. He also made a point of spending one-on-one time with Eli each week.
4. Help with the feelings underneath. Greg reached out for counseling so Eli could work through the anger he’d been carrying since the divorce.

The goal isn’t to make a child feel like a bad person. It’s to help them understand the harm, take responsibility, and learn better ways to handle big feelings.

When It’s Time for More Support

Sometimes a firm talk and a few changes are enough. Sometimes they aren’t. Consider reaching out for professional help if your child:

• Keeps bullying after clear consequences
• Gets into frequent fights or seems angry much of the time
• Is dealing with a big change, like a divorce, a move, or a loss
• Has been bullied themselves
• Seems anxious, down, or not like themselves

Asking for help isn’t a sign you’ve failed as a parent. It’s a sign you’re taking your child’s future seriously.

A few months later, Greg got another call from the school. This time it was a teacher. She wanted to tell him Eli had stepped in when a younger student was being teased in the hallway. Greg sat in his car for a minute before driving home.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Here’s how to spot the quiet signs of bullying, what to say when your child finally opens up, and how to get the school and the right support on your side.

Your son used to talk the whole ride home. Lately he stares out the window. He says he has a stomachache most school mornings. His new hoodie came home with a torn sleeve, and when you asked, he shrugged and said he “fell.” Nothing he says is alarming on its own. But together, it doesn’t feel like him.

Many parents first notice bullying this way. Not because their child tells them, but because something quietly changes.

About one in five U.S. high school students said they were bullied at school in the past year, according to the CDC’s 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Survey. That number rose from 15% in 2021 to 19% in 2023. In middle school, it is even more common. And fewer than half of students who are bullied tell an adult at school.

At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we have worked with children, teens, and families across the San Gabriel Valley for more than 30 years, under the leadership of founder and CEO John McCall. This month, we want to help parents and caregivers do three things: recognize bullying when kids stay silent, respond in a way that helps, and know when it’s time to bring in more support.

What Bullying Is, and What It Isn’t

Not every unkind moment is bullying. Kids argue, tease, and hurt each other’s feelings as they learn how to be friends. A single fight or a falling-out between two kids who used to be close is painful, but it usually isn’t bullying.

The CDC describes bullying as unwanted, aggressive behavior from another young person that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and happens more than once, or is likely to keep happening. In plain words: one child, or a group, keeps using their power to hurt another child who has a hard time making it stop.

That power can come from size, popularity, or numbers. It can also come from knowing something private and threatening to share it. Bullying can look like:

• Physical: hitting, shoving, tripping, or breaking someone’s things
• Verbal: name-calling, mean jokes, or threats
• Social: leaving someone out on purpose, spreading rumors, or turning friends against them
• Online: cruel messages, embarrassing photos, or group chats built to mock one person

The difference matters. A conflict between equals often settles with time and good coaching. Bullying usually doesn’t stop on its own, because the child being targeted can’t end it by themselves.

Why Kids Don’t Tell, and the Signs to Watch For

If your child is being bullied, there’s a good chance they haven’t said so. In a national survey of students ages 12 to 18, only about 44% of those who were bullied told an adult at school. Kids stay quiet for real reasons. They may feel embarrassed. They may worry about being called a snitch, or fear things will get worse if adults step in. Some worry they will lose their phone or be told to “just ignore it.”

So instead of waiting for the words, watch for changes. Signs a child may be bullied include:

• Torn, missing, or broken clothes, books, or electronics with no clear story
• Bruises or scrapes they can’t or won’t explain
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches, especially on school mornings
• Not wanting to go to school, ride the bus, or join activities they used to enjoy
• Falling grades or losing interest in schoolwork
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares, or coming home very hungry because they skipped lunch
• Fewer friends, or suddenly avoiding certain kids or places
• Seeming upset, jumpy, or withdrawn after being online

No single sign proves bullying. These changes can also point to anxiety, depression, or something else going on. That’s the point: any lasting change in your child is worth a calm conversation.

The scene below is a composite. It isn’t one family’s real story — it’s a moment a lot of parents will recognize, built from patterns we see often. Names and details are invented.

Denise was walking past her son’s room when she heard him say it. Not to her. To himself, or maybe to no one. “Everyone would be better off without me.”

She stopped in the hallway. Her hand hovered over the door. And then she almost kept walking.

He’s fifteen. Fifteen-year-olds say dramatic things, she told herself. He’s had a hard week. He didn’t mean it like that. She had dinner to finish and a work email to answer, and some part of her wanted, badly, for this to be nothing.

She knocked anyway.

Why We Almost Don’t Ask

If you’ve ever caught yourself in that same hallway moment, you’re not a bad parent. You’re a normal one. Asking a direct question about something this serious is scary. Part of you worries you’ll overreact and embarrass your kid over nothing. Part of you worries you’ll say the wrong thing and make it worse. And a quieter part of you might be afraid of the answer.

So a lot of parents do what Denise almost did. They wait. They tell themselves it was just a bad day, a phase, a joke that landed wrong. Sometimes that’s true. But the only way to know is to ask, and waiting to feel ready is its own kind of risk.

What Made Her Ask Anyway

Denise didn’t have a plan. She just knocked, sat down on the edge of his bed, and said the first honest thing that came to mind: “I heard what you said a minute ago. I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me. Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?”

Her son didn’t answer right away. He looked at his hands for a long time. Then he said, “Sometimes. Yeah.”

She didn’t panic, or at least she didn’t let it show. She stayed sitting there. She said, “Thank you for telling me. I’m really glad you did. You’re not in trouble, and we’re going to figure this out together.”

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Here’s how to tell ordinary teen moodiness from the warning signs experts want parents to notice — and what to do next.

Your teenager used to text back within minutes. Now their door stays closed, their phone stays face-down, and “fine” is the only word you get at dinner. Maybe you’ve told yourself it’s just a phase — hormones, a hard semester, a friendship that fell apart. Most of the time, that’s exactly what it is.

But sometimes a parent’s quiet worry is trying to tell them something real, and they aren’t sure whether to trust it. If you’ve found yourself lying awake wondering whether what you’re seeing is normal teenage distance or something more serious, this article is for you.

At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we’ve spent more than 30 years working with children, teens, and families across the San Gabriel Valley, under the leadership of founder and CEO John McCall. September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and we want to give parents and caregivers something practical: a clear way to tell the difference between typical teen moodiness and the kind of change that deserves a closer look, plus what to do if you’re worried right now.

Why Teens Get Harder to Read

Adolescence naturally comes with mood swings, door-slamming, and a pulling-away from parents that can feel sudden even when it’s developmentally normal. Teens are wired to seek more independence and more privacy, and a certain amount of “I don’t want to talk about it” is part of growing up.

That normal shift is exactly what makes it hard for parents to know when something is different. A teen who is simply becoming more private looks, on the surface, a lot like a teen who is struggling. The difference usually isn’t in any single moment; it’s in the pattern underneath it.

Ordinary Moodiness vs. a Pattern Worth Watching

Typical teen moodiness tends to be short-lived and tied to something specific: a bad grade, a fight with a friend, a breakup. It comes and goes. Even on a hard week, your teen still laughs at something, still has moments of being themselves, and still eventually bounces back.

A pattern worth a closer look looks different. It lasts for weeks rather than days. Your teen withdraws not just from you, but from friends and activities they used to care about. Sleep and appetite shift noticeably, in either direction. They seem flat or joyless even during things that used to matter to them. And it touches more than one part of life at once — school, friendships, sleep, mood at home — rather than staying contained to one bad day.

One sign on its own rarely tells the whole story. It’s the combination, and how long it’s lasted, that matters most.