It was 3:15 on Thanksgiving afternoon. The turkey was resting. Twelve relatives were squeezed into the living room. And 7-year-old Mateo was under the dining table, sobbing, refusing to come out.

His mom, Ana, knelt beside the tablecloth and felt every eye in the room on her back. Her aunt said what everyone was thinking: “He’s just tired. Let him cry it out.” Her brother said something less kind.

Ana wanted to disappear. She’d spent three days cleaning and cooking. She had wanted this year to feel special. Instead, it felt like it was coming apart, and her son along with it.

(Mateo and Ana are a composite family, based on situations many parents describe. They are not real D’Veal clients.)

If you’ve lived some version of this moment, you are not alone. And your child isn’t “bad” or “spoiled.” Most of the time, a holiday meltdown is a message.

What the Meltdown Was Really Saying

Later that night, after everyone left, Ana sat on the edge of Mateo’s bed. She didn’t lecture. She just asked, “What was the hardest part of today?”

He thought for a long time. Then he said, “Everybody was loud. And Tio kept saying I was too big to sit on your lap. And I didn’t know when it was going to be over.”

There it was. Not one problem. A stack of them.

That’s how holiday stress works for a lot of kids. It isn’t one big thing. It’s the noise, the crowd, the late nights, the strange foods, the relatives who tease, and the feeling of having no control over the day. Each piece is small. Together, they can be too much for a young nervous system to handle.

Kids also soak up the stress around them. Pediatric psychologists point out that children notice when the adults in their lives are tense, and they often react to it, even when nobody says a word. Ana had been running on four hours of sleep for days. Mateo felt it.

And Ana wasn’t the only stressed adult in that house. In a November 2025 poll by the American Psychiatric Association, 41% of U.S. adults said they expected more holiday stress than the year before. About one in three said they worried about difficult family dynamics. Holiday gatherings put a lot of stressed people in one room. Kids are often the first to show it.

What Ana Did Differently in December

Ana didn’t cancel the holidays. She just changed a few things. None of them cost money.

She told Mateo the plan ahead of time. The morning of each family event, she walked him through it: who would be there, what they’d eat, and what time they’d leave. Kids handle hard days better when the day isn’t a mystery.

She picked a “break spot.” At her mom’s house, the back bedroom became Mateo’s quiet place. He could go there any time, with a book or his tablet, no questions asked. He only used it twice. Just knowing it was there helped.

She made a code word. If Mateo felt overwhelmed, he could say “pineapple.” Ana would step outside with him for five minutes. No scene, no explaining to relatives.

She kept bedtime close to normal. Not perfect. But no more 11 p.m. nights two days in a row.

She said no to one party. Her cousin’s open house was the same night as her work potluck. She skipped it. Nobody was upset. Mateo spent the evening building a blanket fort, and Ana sat on the couch for the first time all week.

She talked to her brother. Privately, before the next gathering, she asked him to stop teasing Mateo about being “too big.” It was an awkward conversation. It also worked.

She looked after herself. This was the hardest one. Ana asked her sister to bring dessert instead of making three pies herself. She went to bed earlier. She noticed that when she was calmer, Mateo was too.

Christmas wasn’t perfect. Mateo still got cranky by late afternoon. But there was no meltdown under the table. And on the drive home, he said, “That was a good day.”

Is It More Than Holiday Stress?

For many kids, holiday stress fades once school and normal routines come back in January. But sometimes the holidays bring something bigger to the surface.

It may be time to talk to a professional if your child:

• Stays sad, worried, or irritable for more than two weeks, even on calm days
• Has big changes in sleep or eating
• Pulls away from friends and things they used to enjoy
• Has meltdowns that seem much bigger than the situation
• Says things like “I’m a burden” or talks about not wanting to be here

If your child ever talks about hurting themselves, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time, day or night.

Asking for help isn’t a sign that you failed as a parent. It’s a sign that you’re paying attention.

You Don’t Have to Figure It Out Alone

D’Veal Family and Youth Services has supported San Gabriel Valley families since 1993. We work with children and youth ages 0 to 20, and their families, in homes, schools, and the community. If the holidays are showing you that your child needs more support, we’d be glad to talk.

The holidays can be fun, and they can also be a lot. Here’s how to tell normal holiday stress from something bigger, and how to help your child feel calmer this season.

It’s the week before Thanksgiving. Your 9-year-old comes home from school and slams the door. Your teenager stays in her room all evening. Dinner turns into an argument about nothing.

Is it just the holidays? Most of the time, yes. But sometimes the holidays bring a bigger worry to the surface. Knowing the difference helps you know what to do next.

At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we have helped children, teens, and families in the San Gabriel Valley for more than 30 years. Every year, we see how hard November and December can be on families. We also see how small changes at home can make a big difference.

Why the Holidays Can Be Hard on Kids

Grown-ups feel holiday stress too. In a 2025 national poll, about 4 in 10 adults said they expected this holiday season to be more stressful than the last one. Kids notice when the adults around them are tired or worried, even when nobody says a word.

Kids also lose the routine that helps them feel safe. School is out, bedtimes get later, and weekends fill up with trips and parties. Many kids picture a “perfect” holiday, and real life rarely looks like the movies. Big family gatherings can be loud and crowded, and a relative who teases can make a long day feel even longer.

For some families, the holidays also bring an empty seat at the table. A loved one may have passed away, or a parent may live somewhere else or have to work. When money is tight, kids can usually tell, and some quietly feel guilty for wanting things.

What Holiday Stress Looks Like

Kids don’t usually say, “I’m stressed.” Instead, you may see more tantrums or crankiness than usual. Your child may cling to you, complain of stomachaches or headaches, or have trouble sleeping. Some kids pull away from family and friends.

Teens can be harder to read. They may act like they don’t care about the holidays at all. In our experience, they often care a lot.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Here’s how to spot the quiet signs of bullying, what to say when your child finally opens up, and how to get the school and the right support on your side.

Your son used to talk the whole ride home. Lately he stares out the window. He says he has a stomachache most school mornings. His new hoodie came home with a torn sleeve, and when you asked, he shrugged and said he “fell.” Nothing he says is alarming on its own. But together, it doesn’t feel like him.

Many parents first notice bullying this way. Not because their child tells them, but because something quietly changes.

About one in five U.S. high school students said they were bullied at school in the past year, according to the CDC’s 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Survey. That number rose from 15% in 2021 to 19% in 2023. In middle school, it is even more common. And fewer than half of students who are bullied tell an adult at school.

At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we have worked with children, teens, and families across the San Gabriel Valley for more than 30 years, under the leadership of founder and CEO John McCall. This month, we want to help parents and caregivers do three things: recognize bullying when kids stay silent, respond in a way that helps, and know when it’s time to bring in more support.

What Bullying Is, and What It Isn’t

Not every unkind moment is bullying. Kids argue, tease, and hurt each other’s feelings as they learn how to be friends. A single fight or a falling-out between two kids who used to be close is painful, but it usually isn’t bullying.

The CDC describes bullying as unwanted, aggressive behavior from another young person that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and happens more than once, or is likely to keep happening. In plain words: one child, or a group, keeps using their power to hurt another child who has a hard time making it stop.

That power can come from size, popularity, or numbers. It can also come from knowing something private and threatening to share it. Bullying can look like:

• Physical: hitting, shoving, tripping, or breaking someone’s things
• Verbal: name-calling, mean jokes, or threats
• Social: leaving someone out on purpose, spreading rumors, or turning friends against them
• Online: cruel messages, embarrassing photos, or group chats built to mock one person

The difference matters. A conflict between equals often settles with time and good coaching. Bullying usually doesn’t stop on its own, because the child being targeted can’t end it by themselves.

Why Kids Don’t Tell, and the Signs to Watch For

If your child is being bullied, there’s a good chance they haven’t said so. In a national survey of students ages 12 to 18, only about 44% of those who were bullied told an adult at school. Kids stay quiet for real reasons. They may feel embarrassed. They may worry about being called a snitch, or fear things will get worse if adults step in. Some worry they will lose their phone or be told to “just ignore it.”

So instead of waiting for the words, watch for changes. Signs a child may be bullied include:

• Torn, missing, or broken clothes, books, or electronics with no clear story
• Bruises or scrapes they can’t or won’t explain
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches, especially on school mornings
• Not wanting to go to school, ride the bus, or join activities they used to enjoy
• Falling grades or losing interest in schoolwork
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares, or coming home very hungry because they skipped lunch
• Fewer friends, or suddenly avoiding certain kids or places
• Seeming upset, jumpy, or withdrawn after being online

No single sign proves bullying. These changes can also point to anxiety, depression, or something else going on. That’s the point: any lasting change in your child is worth a calm conversation.

You don’t have to be in the middle of a crisis to start protecting your child’s mental health. In fact, most of what actually helps happens on the ordinary days — the car rides, the dinners, the ten minutes before bed — long before anything feels like an emergency.

That’s the idea behind a “safety net.” It isn’t one big gesture. It’s a handful of small, repeatable habits that make your child more likely to come to you when something is wrong, and more able to handle hard feelings without carrying them alone. Here are six that make a real difference.

Connection Before Correction

When your child does something frustrating, it’s tempting to lead with the lecture. Try leading with connection instead. A simple “Rough day?” before you get into the missed homework or the messy room tells your child that you see them as a person first, and a problem to solve second.

This matters more than it sounds like it should. Kids who feel consistently connected to a parent — even an imperfect, busy, distracted parent are more likely to bring you the hard stuff instead of hiding it. Connection isn’t a reward for good behavior. It’s the foundation everything else stands on.

Predictable Routines Lower the Temperature

Kids, and especially anxious or struggling kids, do better when they know what’s coming next. A consistent bedtime, a regular after-school routine, even a Sunday night check-in — these aren’t rigid rules. They’re a kind of quiet reassurance that says, “This part of your life is stable, even when other parts feel shaky.”

You don’t need to overhaul your household to get this benefit. Pick one or two routines and protect them. A predictable rhythm at home gives your child’s nervous system fewer things to manage at once.