Parenting Through Anxiety: Helping Your Child Feel Safe and Heard
By Inger Douglas
Published on May 12, 2025
It’s a typical Monday morning, and Maya is trying to get her 9-year-old son, Jordan, ready for school. The cereal is soggy, the backpack is half-zipped, and Jordan is frozen at the door—tears welling up in his eyes.
“My stomach hurts,” he whispers, clutching it tightly. But Maya has seen this before. There’s no fever, no symptoms… just fear. Again.
Has your child ever said they were “sick” when you suspected it was something deeper? Do you ever wonder if anxiety is hiding behind those morning meltdowns, sleep struggles, or refusal to go to school?
What if their silence is not defiance—but distress?
And what if your calm, present support is exactly what they need to feel safe enough to share what’s really going on?
It’s good to know . . .
Anxiety in children doesn’t always look like worry. Sometimes it shows up as clinginess, anger, stomachaches, or even silence.
As a parent, seeing your child struggle with something you can’t fix with a bandage or a hug can be heartbreaking.
At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we believe every parent has the ability to support their anxious child—not by having all the answers, but by creating an environment where safety, empathy, and connection are the norm.
Let’s unpack what anxiety really looks like in kids—often hidden behind tummy aches or outbursts—and show how small moments of compassion can create a home where feelings are welcome, not feared.
What Childhood Anxiety Can Look Like
Children, especially younger ones, may not have the words to say, “I’m anxious.” Instead, they express their feelings through behaviors.
Common signs of anxiety in children:
- Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Complaints of stomach aches or headaches
- Avoidance of school or social events
- Perfectionism or fear of making mistakes
- Angry outbursts over small triggers
- Clinginess or excessive reassurance-seeking
Example:
“My daughter kept saying her stomach hurt every morning before school. I thought it was physical—but it turned out to be anxiety about being away from me”, shared one parent.
Understanding that these behaviors are signals—not defiance—can change the way you respond.
There’s no set time when these “signals” can occur:
Alicia noticed her 7-year-old daughter, Lila, getting more upset each night before bed. First it was the lights being too bright. Then the blankets weren’t “right.”
Then came the tears—night after night. Alicia was exhausted, thinking it was just a phase or a battle over bedtime.
But one night, after gently sitting with her, Lila finally whispered, “What if something bad happens to you while I’m sleeping?”
That’s when Alicia realized: this wasn’t about the lights or the blankets. It was anxiety—showing up as fear, clinginess, and sleepless nights.
Knowing how to recognize these signals is where you and D’Veal team up to work together.
Responding to Anxiety With Support, Not Shame
Children need to feel safe to be vulnerable. That safety starts with how you, as their caregiver, respond when anxiety shows up.
1. Validate Their Feelings
Avoid saying, “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s no big deal.” Instead, try:
- “That sounds scary. I’m really glad you told me.”
- “I can see this is hard for you.”
Validation doesn’t mean you agree with their fears—it means you acknowledge their experience.
2. Stay Calm and Grounded
Your calm helps regulate their anxiety. If you respond with panic or frustration, it can escalate their distress. Practice your own coping strategies so you can model emotional control.
Try:
- Taking slow breaths together
- Speaking in a softer tone
- Offering physical comfort if welcomed (a hand on the back, a hug)
3. Create Predictability
Routine helps children feel in control. Predictable mealtimes, bedtime rituals, and morning check-ins can lower anxiety levels.
“We started doing a worry journal every night before bed,” one parent told us. “It helped my son feel heard and helped me understand his inner world.”
What Not to Do
Even with the best intentions, some common parenting responses can accidentally add pressure:
- Don’t force them into anxiety-inducing situations without support. Gentle exposure is helpful—forced exposure isn’t.
- Don’t tell them to ‘just stop.’ Anxiety isn’t something kids can shut off.
- Don’t minimize their feelings. Phrases like “It’s not that bad” can make a child feel dismissed.
How to Talk About Anxiety
Normalize the word “anxiety” in your home. When kids learn it’s okay to talk about mental health, they’re more likely to open up.
Conversation starters:
- “Sometimes I get nervous too. Do you ever feel that way?”
- “What’s something that makes your heart beat fast or your tummy feel funny?”
- “It’s okay to be scared. What can we do to help you feel safe?”
When to Seek Professional Help
If your child’s anxiety is affecting their sleep, school performance, friendships, or overall happiness, it may be time to talk to a therapist. Therapy provides a safe space to explore feelings and learn tools for managing anxiety.
At D’Veal, we offer:
- Individual therapy for children and adolescents
- Parent coaching and family therapy
- School-based mental health services
You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Parent
Supporting an anxious child doesn’t mean always saying the right thing or never getting frustrated. It means being present, listening, and showing up—even on the hard days.
You’re doing better than you think. And if you need backup, D’Veal Family and Youth Services is here to walk alongside you.
📞 Let Us Help
Is your child experiencing anxiety? D’Veal Family and Youth Services can help. Reach out today to speak with a caring team member and explore our family-centered services.
www.dveal.org | Contact Us | (626) 796-3453
This blog was written by the D’Veal Family and Youth Services Communications Team. For questions, email info@dveal.org.
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Together, we can make healing possible—one family at a time.
