Publications
By D’Veal Communications Team
Most back-to-school jitters fade on their own. Here’s how to know when they don’t — and what to do next.
The backpacks are bought. The school supply list is checked off twice. And somewhere between the new shoes and the first-day photo, your child says the thing every parent dreads hearing: “I don’t want to go.”
For most kids, a little back-to-school nervousness is completely normal — even healthy. New teachers, new classrooms, and a new social landscape are a lot to take in, and some butterflies simply mean your child cares about doing well. But for other kids, that nervous energy doesn’t fade after the first week. It grows into stomachaches on school mornings, tears at drop-off, or a quiet dread that follows them into September and beyond.
At D’Veal Family and Youth Services, we’ve spent more than 30 years working with children and families across the San Gabriel Valley. Under the leadership of founder and CEO John McCall, our team has walked alongside thousands of families through exactly this kind of uncertainty — the not-knowing-if-this-is-normal moment. This article is here to help you find that answer.
Why the Start of School Stirs Up So Much Worry
Kids don’t just adjust to a new grade — they adjust to a new routine, a new set of expectations, and often a new set of relationships all at once. For children who already tend to worry, transitions like this can bring anxiety to the surface more visibly than usual. That’s true whether a child is starting kindergarten, moving into middle school, or simply facing a classroom where their best friend isn’t assigned this year.
It isn’t only kids who feel it. Parents often carry their own stress about schedules, routines, and homework returning after a loosely structured summer — and children are remarkably good at picking up on that tension, even when we think we’re hiding it well.
The encouraging news: for the majority of children, this spike in worry is temporary. With the right support at home, most kids settle in within the first few weeks.
Normal Nervousness vs. Anxiety That Needs a Closer Look
This is the question we hear most from parents every August: How do I know if this is just nerves, or something more?
Typical back-to-school worry is usually connected to something specific — a new teacher, a harder subject, a friend who moved away. It shows up as mild clinginess or a few butterflies on the first morning. And it eases once your child settles into a routine, usually within the first couple of weeks.
What may need a closer look looks different. It lasts well past the first month. It shows up as recurring stomachaches or headaches with no medical cause. It leads to your child begging to stay home, crying at drop-off day after day, or refusing to go altogether. And it tends to touch more than one part of life — sleep, appetite, friendships, mood at home — not just how they feel on the walk into school.
If what you’re seeing sounds more like the second description, that isn’t a sign you’ve done anything wrong as a parent. It’s a sign your child could use some extra support finding their footing.
What This Can Look Like at Different Ages
Back-to-school anxiety doesn’t show up the same way in every child, and knowing what’s typical for your child’s age can help you respond well.
Younger children, especially those starting preschool or kindergarten, often express anxiety through separation — clinging at drop-off, crying when a parent leaves, or asking repeatedly whether you’re coming back. This is a normal developmental response, not a sign that something is wrong.
Elementary-age kids may worry about specific things: a new teacher, whether they’ll have friends in their class, or whether they’ll keep up academically. Their anxiety often comes out in questions — sometimes the same question asked over and over — more than tears.
Tweens and teens tend to internalize their worry. Instead of talking about what’s bothering them, they may become irritable, withdrawn, or unusually quiet about their day. Social pressure and academic expectations weigh more heavily at this age, and teens are often less likely to bring their worries to a parent unprompted.
You know your child better than anyone. If something feels off — and it’s lasted a while, and it’s touching more than one part of their life — that instinct is worth following.
A Few Things That Help, Right Now
You don’t have to wait for a problem to appear before you start helping. Listening before problem-solving makes a real difference — when your child shares a worry, acknowledging what they’re feeling (“That sounds like a lot to think about”) often calms anxiety more than reassurance does. Familiarity helps too: a walk-through of the school or a chance to meet the teacher ahead of time turns the unknown into something known. And noticing the wins — a specific, genuine “You handled that really well” after a hard morning — builds confidence for the next day.
For a fuller list of practical steps you can start today, see our companion piece, 5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Ease Your Child’s Back-to-School Anxiety, on the D’Veal blog.
When It’s Time to Reach Out
Most back-to-school worry fades with time, patience, and a little extra reassurance. But if your child’s anxiety is intense, lasts more than a few weeks, or is interfering with their ability to function — at school, at home, or with friends — it may be time to bring in additional support.
This is especially true if your child develops a pattern of physical symptoms tied to school mornings, begins refusing to attend altogether, or seems persistently sad, withdrawn, or on edge well beyond the usual adjustment period. These patterns don’t mean something is wrong with your child. They mean your child’s nervous system needs some help learning that school is a safe place to be — and that’s exactly the kind of support we’re here for.
D’Veal provides individual and family therapy, school-based mental health services, and early intervention for children ages 0–20, delivered in homes, schools, and community settings throughout the San Gabriel Valley by licensed therapists. D’Veal holds The Joint Commission’s Gold Seal of Approval® for Behavioral Health Care — earned for the third consecutive triennial — so families can trust that the care they receive meets nationally recognized standards of safety and effectiveness.
You don’t need a diagnosis, a referral, or a crisis to reach out. You just need to trust what you’re seeing.
D’Veal Family and Youth Services has been supporting children and families in the San Gabriel Valley since 1993.
If back-to-school worry is more than a phase this year, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Call (626) 296-8900 or visit dveal.org.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long is it normal for back-to-school anxiety to last?
Mild anxiety that fades within the first two to three weeks of school is generally within the normal range. If it intensifies, spreads into other areas of your child's life, or hasn't improved after a month, that's worth a closer look.
What are the signs my child's school anxiety needs professional support?
Watch for anxiety that lasts more than a few weeks, physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches with no medical cause, refusal to attend school, or a persistent shift in mood, sleep, or appetite. Any of these are a signal to reach out to a professional.
Is separation anxiety at drop-off normal for young children?
Yes. Clinginess and tears at drop-off are a normal developmental response for many preschool and kindergarten-age children, especially in the first weeks of a new school year. It typically eases as your child builds familiarity with the new routine.
What should I do if my child refuses to go to school?
School refusal tends to worsen the longer it goes unaddressed, since avoidance reinforces the anxiety behind it. Reach out to your child's school and consider contacting a mental health professional. D'Veal can help you navigate this — call (626) 296-8900.
What children's mental health services does D'Veal offer?
D'Veal Family and Youth Services provides individual and family therapy, school-based mental health services, parent coaching, and early intervention for children and youth ages 0–20 across the San Gabriel Valley, delivered in homes, schools, and community settings.
How do I get my child support through D'Veal?
Call (626) 296-8900 or visit dveal.org. You don't need a referral or a diagnosis to reach out — D'Veal serves families throughout the San Gabriel Valley regardless of where they are in the process.
